Unfinished letter
after that day, i wrote a letter. But i didnt finish it..
i didnt want to finish it, because i guess i didnt want to pass it to you..
not in this lifetime
21st bday party...
nope, definitely aint mine...
went to chalet to celebrate my sis' 21st bday....and i can say it is really quite a celebration...
apart from relatives from both paternal and maternal side showed up ( no one missing, perhaps that is the charm of being the eldest in both side), apparently her sec sch frens..jc frens..poly frens...even lecturer oso turned up....and by coincidence, saw my father's clsmate, someone whom my family used to go out with...though i was still very young then....
anyway..looking at all the people who turned up...i started to remember the days of my own class chalets....the days when the brudderhood had chalet (more stayovers though)....i missed those days....
and at the same time, i felt the sadness of departures. when people have to leave.
if only time would freeze...or at least nothing changes....more importantly, if time freezes. i dont hv to go back to camp -.-
mess
This week has pretty much been quite fucked up for me.
i should have extended my MC.
taking SATs tomorrow. at first i planned that i would study in camp... since i'll probably get to OOT (out of training), meaning i get to stone in the office do some random stuff.. and have time to mug.. but i was wrong.
for some reason, the medical officer(MO) didnt OOT me. when i gave him my MC, he was like "wah. so OOT la?" den i said "yea i guess so" i think he THOUGHT i ALREADY OOT by the company.. so he didnt give me the OOT letter... which is screwed up...
so i was juz baiscally given light duties status.. means i wont participate in training... which means.. saikang. everytime my company goes for training.. i clean the toilet, rake the garden, clean the office, set up water point or carry loads of stuff arnd.. basically.. doing rubbish.. and not having time to mug.
i could only barely have some time to mug at night.. before lights off. but all my platoon mates playing arnd, making noise, makes it all so hard to concentrate.. i really want to.. but its so hard.
My company is POP-ing (passing out parade...ing (i know wrong grammar.. dun ask me))in 1 weeks time... and everyone is ecstatic. everyone is so freaking high.. they have been in tekong for 6 months already... but me, on the other hand, feel so left out... i cant POP with them. and i have missed so many events with them...
we had OC's evening on thursday night.. where each platoon had to put on performances for the officers... everything revolved around POP and the commanders made slideshows about all thoes memories and moments that i missed. i was just sitting there.. and staring at everything blankly... whereas everyone had their inside jokes and fun. and after everything, i have to clear up... lol..
im still pretty much very very close with a few of my platoon mates.. but some memories just cant be replaced... its just that big chunk missing... like same for my 01 peeps.. i didnt go for sec 1 gtc. and it sucks everytime they think and talk about it.. how i wish i didnt miss any of thoes things...
nor that phone call.. which never returned
all these didnt help me focus or concentrate much on the little time i have to do SAT practice... and further more.. there has been many things going through my mind since book in... well probably only one particular thing... but its so messed up... everything is so messed up.
i really couldnt take it la.... so i went to my officer (imho, hes really 懒惰. he dragged a lot of my paper work for super long.. never do.. keep slacking) and asked him when am i going to get to OOT and get posted out so i can study. he said: "sorry ah chin nam.. i know how u feel.. u must feel like fuck la, come back and everyone going to pop and u cant get to. cannot participate in anything also. i know you want to get out of this fucking island la... rest assured.. i will try to get u posted out asap." i dunno why but when i heard this i juz wept... lol.. so unmanly..
and things just took a turn for the worse... now im highly likely going to send my friend to the DB detention barracks... army prison so called. to cut the long story short.. it is suspected that he stole my stores while i was away.. to return as his own when he has lost his. and no one knew about it.. but i uncovered it while checking out my stores... i suspected it. and i told my section mates.. and soon the commanders know about it(because it was later found out that many evidences and witnesses ruled against him).. and they recalled that guy from his newly posted unit (he OOT also cause he was previously to DB once for AWOL(逃兵)) to start a formal thorough investigation... somehow even if others told me it was right to do so.. i just cant help but think its my fault... i could just declare that i have lost them myself unknowingly and paid for them.. and kept everythign to myself...
great.. now if what is suspected is true... i would be the asshole who sent his own friend to jail... not helping.
today i finally got my posting. ima be a driver. which sucks. i wanted to be a clerk as a posting. clerks get 8-5 jobs.. and thus having time to study.. a driver might be a slack job compared to a combat unit.. but the driver course is a stay-in course.. means its like tekong over again.. stay in camp, book out on saturdays... wtf. everything is just not going my way this week...
ALL i can hope for is that NUS/NTU accepts my appeal and gives me a place. only then. i can finally relax a little bit more...
how i hope everything was the way it was... how i wish i hadnt twist and busted my knee.. then i would be freaking ecstatic over POP now.
no MC, plus constant training, = no free time = no bored moments...
means i wouldnt have time to disturb you._______________________________________________
当你孤单你会想起谁
You.
care
Sometimes you wonder.. "is it wrong to care"... or maybe.. you cared too much...
i guess caring has its limits too.
